Life is challenging, and how we react to those challenges can tell us so much about ourselves. It is necessary to assess ourselves honestly to develop a better understanding of our level of resiliency, and further strengthen skills that we are lacking. To make this a bit easier to do, the chart below describes what it means to be a victim, survivor or thriver. It is always your choice which you strive for, but the clients I have seen make the biggest strides towards their potential were able to truthfully call themselves a thriver. Getting to this stage allows someone to have the strongest resiliency to face any of life’s challenges.
|Thoughts||• Focus on the problem
• Why me?
• It’s not fair.
• I am not worthy.
|• Focus on solutions and how to effectively react
• I can get through this.
• I am worthy.
|• Focus on the present and what can be done proactively
• I am grateful.
• I trust myself.
|Feelings||• frustrated, hurt, disappointed, angry, fearful, low self esteem, sad, etc.
• guilty or selfish if actually do something positive for self
|• All of the feelings of a victim PLUS hope and excitement for change and the future, some ambivalence for change is common||• Allow self to acknowledge and feel all feelings, but choose which to engage in to allow for productivity
• Proud, accepting, hopeful, confident
|Behaviors||• Places own needs last, but allows resentments to grow when they are not met
• Complaining without problem solving
• Comparing self to others’ situations and validating self if situation is “worse”
• Lack of accountability
• Act as a martyr
• Isolates/unhealthy alone time that is draining of energy
• Blames others
• Closed minded
• Passive Aggressive
• Wants environment to be peaceful in order to feel calm
|• Accept accountability
• Take care of self
• Chooses healthy alone time, learning to enjoy it, gains energy from it
• Brainstorm solutions
• Ask for help if needed
• Open minded to solutions
• Learning to protect self
• Learn tools to help relax and calm
• Learning assertiveness
• Sees self as healing
• Shares story with “safe” people
• Accepting of help when offered
• Takes opportunities for growth and advocacy
• Analyzes situation in order to be objective of it, not to complain
|• Open hearted for self and others
• Trust self to be able to deal with any unforeseen challenges
• Learn from challenges and apply lessons to life
• Forgiveness of self and others
• Enjoys time spent alone, finds it necessary
• Creates opportunities for growth and advocacy
• Put own needs first, recognize this must be done in order to be best self
• Act genuinely -Assertive
• Finds inner calm and recognizes its peaceful impact on environment